It was horrible…one of my worst nightmares. I walked around like a zombie for about a week after it happened. I questioned myself – did I screw up royally…again? Did I NOT hear God even though all the circumstances were pointing to where we were? Am I that dense? Why do I feel like I always end up here? Am I that stupid? Incompetent?
Those who know me, know I like to be in control. I am an A personality (thanks, Dad), very entrepreneurial, and an 8 on the Enneagram. Oh, and did I mention, I think I am ADD? I can’t sit still. I did not do well in school. I am often reckless, impulsive, and don’t always think things through. I sound like a wreck and I probably would be if it weren’t for the Lord’s patience, mercy, and love for me.
In spite of all the above, I never doubted God’s love for me. Even when I was in the middle of my sin I KNEW God is good. I KNEW He will always take care of me. I KNEW His plans for me are for my good. I KNEW everything would turn out for my good. How did I know this? Because I’d seen it happen many, many times throughout my life. And you have to mess up a whole lot of times to ‘grow to know’ these things. I mean, REALLY know…a knowing in your knower, you know what I mean? One of my teachers, Kenneth Copeland, used to always say, ‘you know that you know that you know’. Well, I knew and that’s what keeps me going.
Back to my story.
I don’t want to bore you with the details so let’s just say I had a great job…and then, I didn’t. We had rented out our home in Edmonton for the next 4 years so we had no home either and we couldn’t stay at our daughter’s while we waited for something to happen. We had to move on…to where? we had no idea. So, there we were, jobless and homeless.
After my shock reaction, anger reaction, and fear reaction, I gave in to what we’ve come to call the ‘God-flow’ reaction. I couldn’t go back and change anything so we had to move forward. We couldn’t go to our house in Edmonton and we couldn’t stay at our daughter’s so we packed up our car and left for a road trip way up to northern BC. When we got back, and after we had time to think, we repacked up what we needed for a much longer trip and left to the States for 3 months.
I realize that not everyone can do that – just pack up and leave. I believe God was setting us up for this. Why? Because this is what we always wanted to do – travel and work. We have been talking about it for over 10 years. We dreamed about it. We subscribed to International Living. We learned skills that allowed for mobile work. The only thing that was missing…or what was in the way, rather…was a job and a mortgage. With no job and a covered mortgage, we were set to travel…and quickly try to ramp up a mobile business to make enough money to sustain our dream. Be careful what you dream!
Little by little, the Lord has been showing us how He plans to take care of us.
When I was concerned about where we were going to live, He opened a door for us to stay in Vegas for 3 weeks, Palm Springs for a week, and then Murphys for the next 3 weeks – with days in between to travel by car.
When I was concerned about how we were going to take care of ourselves, He reminded me that He gave me 5 months pay for 2 months work.
When I was concerned about looking like a vagabond, He reminded me that I am exactly where He put me.
Our story is far from over and all our questions have not been answered. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow…but who really does. We don’t rely on a regular paycheque, a place to call ‘home’, or even what to do next. We just trust, wait, and try to stay in the God-flow. God has shown us that He is fully capable of preparing the way for us if we just keep moving forward.